Tuesday, November 5, 2019

This Might Be Fiction- poem post

(The intro I wanted to write also came out like a poem, so I will post it on its own before the poem, formatted like one- my thoughts for this post are very early-morning creative and I hope at least, enjoyable to read. )

This might be fiction. Or a past life, or someone else's memory.
There are parts of it that borrow from my experience, and parts I've never seen. 
I can't say who to blame for this one.

 "A memory not my own, maybe a waking dream
from Kenyon and the Blackbird House"
by Stars

We buried you in the rain, and the wind, your favorite entity,

It screamed your name and we screamed with it,
to whatever out there might exist,
and have forgotten it was you for a moment.

The rain remembered,
and through tarpaulin and misdirection
made its way to our clothes, our faces
the cold in our bones felt like an ocean storm, seizing what it would.

Maybe, like us, searching for you in the dark
that held us there,
in the clouds, in the rain
in that blowy Portland mountain air.

I don't know why, that day, we didn't stay in.
But the earth, 
the earth, as my soul,
as the sun, and the fields, and the song of birds

craved your return.


Inspo links- 

Blackbird House by Alice Hoffman


About Jane Kenyon & her works


(Reminder- my book of poetry is out now and is available at The Book Patch! It's priced at $11, plus shipping and handling which brings the total to ~$16, and all the money goes towards me being able to move out of an unsafe place.)

Book cover image
We Earthbound Stars
Buy Now button

Monday, September 23, 2019


Reminder- my book of poetry is out now and is available at The Book Patch! It's priced at $11, plus shipping and handling, and all the money goes towards me being able to move out of an unsafe place.

Book cover image
We Earthbound Stars
Buy Now button

It's finally time for an Autumn themed post! I'm likely not doing Blogtober this year but will be doing some post on fall favorites & spooky themes. My Instagram right now is looking perfectly autumnal with my latest projects and pictures of my black cats. Click the Instagram button on the sidebar to check out my page and see more about my latest projects! I've been using up some yarn by knitting tiny clothes in spooky themes- tiny sweaters, scarves & selbu mittens.

Here's my latest artwork- a watercolor of fall leaves inspired by stickers on a card sent to me by my aunt and uncle. My aunt is also an artist and I remember being inspired by seeing her stained glass creations, so I made this watercolor for her in thanks.

In progress


I can't wait for the leaves to start changing, it's one of my favorite things about New England. Absolutely gorgeous!! Here are some shots I've taken in the past- I only wish they could convey the sound and smell of walking through a freshly fallen leaf cover.

Home Woodpile, Hopkinton NH

Apple Orchard, Derry NH

Mt. Major hiking trails, Alton NH

Mt. Major hiking trails, Alton NH

Friday, June 7, 2019

Period Talk

Periods- people have 'em. So why do we still not talk about it? Here's a long & detailed post doing just that!

Now, I'm not saying nobody's talking about periods. In fact, in my short life I've already seen amazing improvement in the discussion around periods. But, despite how completely natural and unintentional they are, there's still a phenomenon of not talking about it, grabbing a tampon discreetly, hygiene products moved to the back of the store like the shameful X rated movie section.

And I really, really hate that. Keeping pads next to the diapers and incontinence underwear I understand- similar purposes. Moving them to the back with the condoms and magazines? Screw you, Rite Aid.

In a ideal world for me, hygiene products would be kept in all bathrooms, with proper receptacles, because it's an undeniably human thing to bleed. That shouldn't be so hard to understand.

Considering I've been at this menstruating thing for more than half my life now at 25, I'm kind of ashamed of myself for keeping up the idea that my period was something to suffer through silently, to not gross out others by talking about, to keep evidence to a minimum. Hell, I've been doing this so long I might as well have tenure, so why am I still letting others tell me how to do it?

So reader, if this topic is gross for the simple fact that it's blood then I very much understand that, and I appreciate you being a reader of my blog but more than that I appreciate you taking care of your mental health! I'll be back next Friday with more posts. It's more the attitude some people have that periods are gross because they were either taught to think that way, or because they've never had to experience a period, that I really hate and I'm speaking out against today. I wanna talk about my period experience through the whole of my time since puberty, and the parts of my life period it's connected to.

~All About My Period~

I really should respect my period more than giving it a dedicated box o'junk, low level stab at a pun intended. I'm working on it, though.

My history-

I started my period at 11, let's thank being an early developer and potentially share some thanks to chewable fluoride tablets, a compound now known to trigger early puberty but in my childhood was given to children as supplements for strong teeth. Whoops!

It was honestly horrible for a good while, especially considering my best friend through high school was lucky to not start hers til 16, so we couldn't commiserate til later on.

I learned how to use pads- sit on the can, unwrap, stick the unused one to my thigh while I get rid of  the old one.
Image result for ob applicator free

How to use tampons- my first being the applicator-free kind my mother preferred and I hate to this day.
Fucking painful, requires you to readjust it with your hands, no thank you, never again. 

Given my only person to campare against was my mother, who can bleed through a heavy tampon and pad in like an hour, I had no idea if my heavy periods, nausea, and exhaustion was just part of the awful experience of period that I'd been told about. I was the Bearer of Midol in highschool, always having midol and pamprin in my backpack.

At 15, when I started my part-time job and couldn't be missing work staying at home throwing up because of my period, I started on oral birth control to regulate and hopefully lessen my period. I took the normal course of birth control, allowing for my period every month, from age 15-19. From there I had what seemed like a pretty average period experience.

At 19 with my doctor's advice, I started using birth control continually, which means moving to the next pack as soon as you reach the start of your sugar pills, effectively skipping your period. It seemed really unnatural and was an idea that scared me, but this was around the time when my autoimmune disorder was stepping in and really becoming apparent.
I became suddenly allergic to feminine products, unable to put one next to my skin without getting what my doctor described as "bladder irritation", meaning all of my soft tissue all the way up my urethra to my bladder was saying a big NOPE to everything in pads. 
Scented pads, cotton pads, you name it. Who knew an autoimmune disease would eventually mean I couldn't use a pad without peeing my pants? I couldn't use just tampons without bleeding through them, it has to be a combo of tampons & pads. So, that was a confidence-building time of trying to be a college student while fighting off peeing my pants.

This was how I went about my life from 19 to about 23, when I made the decision to go off birth control. I was still very concerned about heavy periods and my allergy to feminine products, but it was becoming unclear how much bad effects the birth control was having as well as preventing those issues. My libido had died and my migraines had worsened to chronic and debilitating levels. I couldn't pinpoint why other than being a generally ill person but the birth control was obviously a big factor affecting my hormones daily, so I tried going off it.

It was definitely weird getting used to having periods again- suddenly feeling shameful talking about something to my fiance, who I can talk to about literally all the weird things in my body, feeling gross or "out of commission" for a week out of every month, etc.
Now looking back, I realize I wasn't adjusting to the feel of having a period again but regressing to the mindset I had when first starting my period, that it was foreign and gross and unwanted.

Currently I'm 25 and still doing the period thing. While I can't say I enjoyed the experience I have getting used to periods, I'm glad that I'm at a point now where I know my preferences in things like pads, tampons, and painkillers. I'm glad I've burnt off enough time being ashamed of my body and what it did that now I can grab a tampon from my bag in public and walk to the bathroom with it instead of hiding it up my sleeve or in my waistband. Because if anyone sees they'll know that I'm going to the bathroom to do *gasp* BATHROOM THINGS.

My routine-

Here's my preferred combo, though I'll explain my ideal combo after-

Tampax radiant, comes with packaging that's actually helpful for wrapping up the soiled applicator in its packaging. Buy Tampax Radiant Tampons Super Plus at Well.ca | Free ...

 Always radiant, it's a texture that's sort of a mix between cotton and the familiar Always plastic. Both of those extremes cause reactions in me but these I'm able to use with minimal irritation.

Always Radiant Flex Foam Pads, Regular, Scented, 30 Ct ...

Pamprin multi symptom- when I'm cranky, headachey, and nauseated on top of cramps I prefer Pamprin over ibuprofen. It's also useful for migraines (not sure if it counts as a triptan) in a pinch if I've been using excedrin and don't have any at the moment. Thankfully since starting medical marijuana for my chronic pain in 2016 I've been able to cut down my excedrin use and it's honestly been at least 6 months since I've taken any. 

Pamprin Multi-Symptom Menstrual Pain Relief Tabl... : Target

Ideally I'd like to be using organic cotton tampons and never have to let plastics or fragrances near my soft tissues again. But being on a disability budget, I buy what I can afford or when I can't afford it, I use what's given away for free at food pantries and Planned Parenthood.
 (Actually primarily what they do is provide free things like hygiene products, a literal year's worth of birth control, condoms, and examinations. Most don't even have the equipment to do the kind of things conservative media would have you believe is being done. It's an incredibly important cause, consider donating -here- )

Sometimes I gotta do what I used to do as a tween visiting my fathers house on the weekend and forgetting pads, wad up a bunch of toilet paper and use another strip to wrap it around my underwear.

Fun fact- in both prisons and psychiatric facilities you are responsible for buying your own tampons. If you can't afford them you just bleed. On yourself and everything else.

My identity & spirituality

I still have complicated feelings about my period, both as someone at odds with their reproductive function and the unwillingness of doctors to do anything for young people they feel should grow up to be brood mares and not humans with autonomy, and as someone who struggles with their identity.

Being pagan, my feelings around my period and the idea of the sacred feminine is very complicated and something I make efforts to understand through reflection and meditation, bit by bit. When my period comes I resent it, it still brings pain and nausea and spikes the number of panic attacks I experience, but I now can notice moments of connection with the universe, or feeling like I belong in my body somewhat, or surges of creativity or feeling productive to clean. 

It's 2019, menstruation isn't exclusively a woman thing but as a Pagan I struggle to separate the idea of periods from the sacred feminine- something that I believe exists in everything. Everyone and everything has aspects on a scale from what we'd consider masculine to feminine, and it's been a surprise to me that feeling more connected to that sacred feminine hasn't caused me more confusion in my identity but rather sureness, I am an individual with aspects of many things, like all humans are.

Thanks for reading about my experience!  It's been a learning experience going out of my comfort zone to break out of the stigma I put on myself being ashamed of certain things, and I really appreciate having a platform like this to be able to do so.

Friday, May 31, 2019

Handmade Jewelry, How & Why to Buy Directly from the Artist or their Shop

This post is dedicated to Joy, a representative from a jewelry company that contacted me with a "great paid offer". I thought this would be a great opportunity to show you all the jewelry creators I do support! And if you're here for a writeup of the company's offer and why it's so insulting, stick around after seeing all the art and read my post below.





Remember the 90s and early 00s- jelly sandals, when jewelry took the turn from 80s loud and funky to bright and pastel? Me too, and that aesthetic never left me. Every time I see colorful resin jewelry it reminds me of the fun, flowery, bubbly fashion I grew up with and I am so happy that it didn't go away. I love all the directions you can go with resin as well! You can use resin to sculpt, to seal in paintings, and to preserve dried flowers!

where to buy:
on Twitter, shop palaceofglitter.com
@ForagedNature on Twitter, shop etsy.com/shop/ForagedNature
@echoesofetheria on Twitter, shop etsy.com/shop/EchoesofEtheria


Beaded jewelry takes patience I don't have at all, which is why I'm extra amazed when I see all the combinations of pieces artists put together to make one bit of jewelry. It takes a fantastically creative mind to see  the little beads and findings and be able to visualize what to make with it, especially to make a set, which requires different findings that still complement one another.
I'm the kind of person that likes to wear about 6 different bracelets on the same arm all summer, are you? Colors and textures just make me so happy, and wearing bracelets made with beads of different colors and materials makes me feel more colorful and happy inside.


where to buy, left to right:
@sunnshineart on Twitter
@RoyalTgifts on Twitter, shop etsy.com/shop/royaltgifts

Wire Wrapped

(Special shoutout to artist @wrappedeggroll on Twitter for this piece I got for my birthday!)

This is basically my favorite type of jewelry to get lost in. I love everything in it, the intricate twists and turns of the wire to not only hold in the beads and stones but to do that in a way that creates another design on top of an already beautiful stone.. that's skill I never stop being impressed by. 

Something I really appreciate in wire wrapping is the range of intricate designs- minimal design that lets the stone speak for itself to heavily worked design that turn the stone into a larger piece.


where to buy, left to right:
@floatinggrizzly on Twitter

The Offer:

Not unused to these emails, I usually rely on the handy spam filter to take care of things like this, but this one came in through my primary mail box because they'd done enough to make it seem like it wasn't a scummy offer. 
(To clarify, it's probably not a scummy offer for the type of blogger they should be contacting for ambassadors. Lord knows there will always be people with money privileged enough to be unaware of the effects of what they do with it.)

The kicker: this company claims to care about charity and has a program to donate very small portions of their sales to a charity of the customer's choosing- a great way to feel like you're making an effort while donating less than $1 through a middle man.

They also claim to be reaching out to ambassadors that will be "a great fit", meaning they believe the blogger is the right fit for their style, and has reach to the type of audiences they want to get money from. They emailed me, someone who never quits being vocal about my disability, being on disability, and featuring topics of disability. My audience and mutuals include many in the disabled community.

So, where they're trying to get money from bothered me. The obvious lie that they did any research to find "great fits" for their ambassadors bothered me. But just as much as them feeling like it's okay to monetize the disabled community bothered me, it insulted me that they think I'd ever advertise a company's jewelry on my page.

Why's that? Well, let's consider the life of an artist that uses social media to network & stay immersed in art. My feed is bloggers and artists working hard to make their success happen, it's a huge priority of mine to share art from artists so that the right person to buy it can see it and support that artist directly. Sometimes I'm the right person! I've bought some amazing art from artists on Twitter & Instagram. (so, if they did do even the smallest bit of research browsing my Insta photos and seeing that I've bought jewelry, they completely skipped over that it's bought from the artist)

On top of running a blog, I'm in the same struggle. I haven't made any sales online yet, so the grind of posting, sharing, creating inventory, affording shipping supplies, all of that is very real to me.
So to take money specifically to advertise a company's art on my feed instead, to just spit in the faces of the artists I usually support, for them to even think I'd be willing to do that is an insult to me and to art.

To sum up- there's nothing wrong with studios or companies that consist of artists working together to share capital in order to have more success in selling art. I see them as artist unions. There's no denying we need one another to survive.
What's wrong is running one of these companies in the kind of inconsiderate way I've written about- if you're going to find ambassadors, do the bare minimum of seeing who they are before you contact them. Be aware of your audience, be aware of the effects your sales will have on sales of artists who don't have the opportunity or are unwilling to sell out to larger companies.

Hell, this company specifically could be doing some good with the small amount they claim to be sending to charity from each order. Unfortunately, the complete disregard for their ambassadors and their audience put me off ever wanting to work with, promote, or even think of them in good standing. It's so unnecessary for them to lie that they care about their ambassadors, as they clearly didn't do enough research about my blog and Instagram before trying to monetize them. 

That's all for this week! Thanks for reading :) 


Friday, May 24, 2019

My OCs

Hi all! This week I wanted to begin to show you some characters I've created! They all come from the same universe- a comic idea I've been writing for myself. 

Speaking of works in progress, I'm currently building a WIPs page so that you can all see what long-running projects I have going, and have a little more context when I post updates! I'll be announcing that soon :)



See the series on Goodreads here
This is the second character I drew and the one I'm currently working on illustrating. He's inspired by multiple things- his name comes from a book series (possibly a duology but I hate that word) I read many years ago-  The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing by M.T. Anderson. 

More of my inspiration and what I can recall comes from the second book, because I came across & read that before being able to read the first one.  The second book has more of a theme of liberty and the disparity of how people have often been treated, while inside believing they deserved far better.

Actually, another bit of inspiration behind him that's kind of funny is how I looked trying a holographic face mask. I took a few selfies to be funny and noticed I kind of liked the eerie, androgynous robotic face it gave me.

In a world of strange people, humanoid animals, and robots, Octavian is an unusual and possibly alien being that speaks little about his origins. However, some is known about his background before the events that take place in my comic. It is known that he was once the servant of a wealthy and high ranking government official before the collapse of their society.

His skin is a dark navy blue, unlike any of the other characters or people that show up in the comic, and he wears a metal mask through which he can speak and sometimes emote, but most often observes the world from quietly. 

He has an almost-robotic ability to make examinations and calculations in his head, which is why he was forced into servitude alongside robots created for those purposes. 

As he is not a robot, he still needs to eat, sleep, and socialize but is not used to the freedom to so, so his preferences in food are limited and he is very shy to socialize but fiercely defends & appreciates the friends he does make.

First I sketched him along with the other important characters, then began to add bits to his bio and to plot out a scene with him that explains a little background, but that's mostly in my head still and not on paper.

At the moment working on illustrating him. I changed the eyes to a new design because while I definitely aknowledge that my creating OCs was inspired by reading & drawing fanart of Flipside (an incredibly well done webcomic that I've gone on about here before, so I'll cut short my fangirling but do go here if you're interested), I don't want to use anything that I might think I came up with but is really something I noticed from there. 
So, I changed the seam on his mask and also his eyes to ones that will act more like a digital display on his mask that change slightly with his mood, rather than empty holes in the mask. Those things I felt were too similar to Lem/Lemuel in Flipside. In the sketch you can see the beginnings of my idea for the new eyes.

I sort of liked the almost sinister, very mysterious feel of the empty eye sockets but I feel they could give him a creepy look and while Octavian is definitely mysterious and otherworldly and still not someone to anger, he's actually a precious sweet boy who cares a great deal about his friends. 

So far, he's still a work in progress. My aim now is to continue working on his illustration to smooth out and add definition to his skin tone, clean up the lines, and add to the mask to make it look more like metal and possibly add a few more seams and rivets.

It's exciting sharing my OCs on here for the first time! Thanks for taking this journey with me :)

Friday, May 10, 2019

Life lessons I learned from my favorite pastimes

img src- pixabay.com/images/id-794978

Outside of blogging and making art, I spend a lot of time doing my hobbies when I feel able. Most of my free time I spend talking to friends through text or Discord, sometimes playing Stardew Valley or other things multiplayer. Other times I feel like sitting back on the couch with my cats snuggled up onto me and reading a book- to view a post about my book collection, read here- https://weearthboundstars.blogspot.com/2018/11/my-bookshelf.html

These are some life lessons I've gleaned from my hobbies and how I spend my spare time. I hope you enjoy!

Practice secondary belief- 
"On Fairy-Stories", an essay by J. R. R. Tolkien


 I'm a big LOTR fan ever since I read The Hobbit in 6th grade (and got in trouble for using the word paraphernalia on a vocab test because I'd seen it in there), fell in love with Tolkien's works and set about trying to understand them as I got older. Every time I read them I understand them more, having gotten a little older, experienced more, and just had room to forget the words verbatim so I could read them new again. In an essay regarding Andrew Lang's work in compiling fairy tales in to the classic colored Fairy book range, Tolkien wrote about the notion of fairy tales taking place in a separate realm often referred to as Fae or Faerie realm. He argued that these tales shouldn't be put with things like moral fables or animal origin stories because they describe events that take place in a separate realm, a realm that is very real as long as it exists in fiction and therefore, people's minds.

As an example, the children's book The Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton. I hope you've read it or had it read to you at least once, but if you haven't it's pretty easy to sum up. Three? Children move to a house in the country and to occupy their time, they go exploring in the forest and discover a magical tree whose branches reach so high that the tops of them break through the clouds and touch different and strange lands that can be traveled to by climbing the tree, as long as those who do are mindful to come back before the tree branches shift and are no longer touching that land.
Every time the children go up the tree, there is a different land to go to and each land has unique and bizarre features like the ground constantly spinning under their feet or rolling like the sea, and the children must learn to accept and navigate the quirks of each world to explore it. When they enter a new world, it's there for them physically and they don't do much questioning or disbelieving that the ground rolls or animals talk, because that's just how it is there as the rules of that land.

When we open a book, it's a portal to a world another person has already created. In his essay, Tolkien says that when you write a book, you create that realm somewhere in existence, and it's real as long as at least one person holds it in their mind. Those who read the book are allowed to visit that realm, to experience its history through the creator's account and then to explore the world at their leisure through imagination, once the idea of that realm has been established in their heads.

When I struggle to become invested in a book because I can't suspend disbelief, it's often because the rules of that world don't make sense in my comparison to the world we live in. The idea of suspending disbelief works to a point, because the practice is telling yourself "It's okay that this doesn't make sense, it doesn't exist in my world." It's a method that brushes putting aside the content you're trying to get into as a separate universe from ours, but it misses the vital part of investing yourself in this new world with different rules.

Talking about Blyton, my fairy tale fascination, and reimagined fairy tales is a great segue into my next example-

Getting over the fear of starting/ being afraid of your potential-
The Magic World- E. Nesbit

Another fantastic classic Children's writers is Edith Nesbit. One of her books, The Magic World, is a collection of short stories about magic happenings. The 5th story follows the classic pattern of a young man who must go out and seek his fortune, and because he has a kind heart, he helps people and animals along the way who show up later on when he's in need.  
The message I take away from it is that making progress towards a goal is often less daunting when you begin it for other people, and find a purpose in it for yourself along the way. Even if it's scary, the only thing you can do it just start anyways because you'll never truly be prepared. Here's the part that was most meaningful for me-

" ‘I can’t speak to the wind, I won’t,’ said Sep, and almost at the same moment he heard himself call out, ‘Oh wind, please come and blow up the waves to save the poor mussels.’
The wind answered with a boisterous shout—
‘All right, my boy,’ it shrieked, ‘I’m coming.’ And come it did. And when it had attended to the mussels it came and whispered to Sep in his attic. And to his great surprise, instead of covering his head with the bed-clothes, as usual, and trying not to listen, he found himself sitting up in bed and talking to the wind, man to man.
‘Why,’ he said, ‘I’m not afraid of you any more.’
‘Of course not, we’re friends now,’ said the wind. ‘That’s because we joined together to do a kindness to some one. There’s nothing like that for making people friends.’
‘Oh,’ said Sep.
‘Yes,’ said the wind, ‘and now, old chap, when will you go out and seek your fortune? Remember how poor your father is, and the fortune, if you find it, won’t be just for you, but for your father and mother and the others.’
‘Oh,’ said Sep, ‘I didn’t think of that.’
‘Yes,’ said the wind, ‘really, my dear fellow, I do hate to bother you, but it’s better to fix a time. Now when shall we start?’
‘We?’ said Sep. ‘Are you going with me?’
‘I’ll see you a bit of the way,’ said the wind. ‘What do you say now? Shall we start to-night? There’s no time like the present.’
‘I do hate going,’ said Sep.
‘Of course you do!’ said the wind, cordially. ‘Come along. Get into your things, and we’ll make a beginning.’"

Discovering your true potential by facing your fears and insecurities-
  Bleach vol. 13 ch. 111 "Black and White" / ep. 39 "The Immortal Man"

Bleach is one that I started watching as a teenager but didn't really get into, and recently re-watched it up to the end of the rescue arc (where it ends like a good anime should. Right? Right.)

In this episode, the main character Ichigo is fighting to retake his sword from a manifestation of the corrupt version of himself that wants and threatens to take control if Ichigo slips up.

He has to fight that part of himself to retake the sword, and his dark self laughs at him that he hadn't taken the time to try and understand his sword's true power.

Your true self, as much as it seems like some future goal, starts with the potential within you, and it's what you're afraid because you recognize your future but for some reason from and fight. 
There are moments in life that you can put yourself in that will either be enjoyable experiences or learning experiences. This episode reminded me of a really poignant experience I'd had, where I'd spent a while doing some soul searching staring in the mirror.  I saw in my features the kind of features I'd til then disliked or thought intimidating in other people, and I realized I'd felt that way because I saw them in myself but denied it. What also struck me was that the kind of features I'm so often drawing and see as loving and maternal were also there in my expression, like a shadow of a person I might become in the future.

Dedication and patience, aka Slow and Steady Wins the Race-

Zen and the Art of Knitting- Bernadette Murphy

I love to knit, especially so I can make things for my fiance (or often our cats so I can put them in silly hats or every now and then make them a new felt mouse to roll in catnip and surprise them with). My grandma taught me to knit and sew when I was around 10, and I did it as a hobby making scarves and small blankets from then til I was about 19, which is when I started branching out and trying new techniques like making lace, fair isle knitting, more complicated designs like socks and sweaters, etc. A couple years ago I picked up this book at the library, and it got me thinking about the positive effects of knitting and how it applies to life.

In order to reach a big goal you don't have to be fast, you have to be consistent and not stop in order to reach your goals, so have patience- if you rush the quality will suffer.

It will always be a process, and you can either be mindful of it and use it as a meditative process, or allow it to become a mechanical habit that you do while seeking other distractions. Like anything in life that causes us to want to rush through it or daydream to take us away from the monotony, there's that choice to do it fully and mindfully or to distract yourself until it's done. You'll never get that time back and if it's working or studying it's what you'll return to the next day and the next. If you spend all of it wishing you could be doing something else, getting through it so you can spend a small amount of time doing something better, you'll have spent years in denial doing what you hate.

Sometimes, to get better at it, you have to do it wrong to figure out how to do it right. If you can't understand the pattern or directions fully no matter how many times you hear or read them, sometimes you have to start the project knowing it won't be right, so that you can look it over and see the problem and try it again.

Communication is important, and difficult for everyone indiscriminately-

Frasier is one of my all time fave comfort shows to marathon, for all its faults and parts where it hasn't aged well. Kelsey Grammer and
David Hyde Pierce are so fun together.

What I really love is how it shows that even when you know how to communicate well- meaning what the pitfalls of communication are, how to avoid mood swings, etc, knowing that is way different than being able to put it in practice. 

Many times you know what you should do but aren't able to make the decision to do it, other times you are able, but stubborn and it's more cathartic to react negatively. It takes more energy to put what you know into practice, and even those (especially those, in this case of a family of psychiatrists getting into communication breakdowns constantly) who should know the most about it struggle doing this.


So what's our conclusion?

The great thing about blogging sometimes is that although I may start writing a post not intending for it to have a theme, as I go along putting it together and reading over it I see themes within the things that I thought were scattered and mostly unrelated. 

You're free to take away whatever message you like from these little anecdotes, but the theme that I feel is presenting itself to me and why all these moments were so meaningful to me lately is this-

it takes time, nurture, and practice to become your true self and you have to allow the person inside you to talk, to voice their personality through preferences and morals. although that journey is frightening and is something you want to be prepared for and do properly or not at all, there's no way of knowing which way is 100% right til the end when you look back, so at some point you have to just make up your mind and begin

Take care of yourselves, friends. Til next Friday-